Falling to fly

blogging is for gals

2006-08-01T00:27:00.000+08:00

Woah, my oh my... how time flies indeed! It's been a last year since i last blogged outta sheer boredom in MHA. I must admit that i do enjoy reading my previous posts tho, but i kinda grimaced reading the previous post cause it was wayyyyyyyyy too emo. Also, when my guy friends tell me blogging is sissy, i think of any number of whiny blogs by lovestruck/bored/prepubescent females(or the previous post i made for that matter) and feel hard pressed to object. LoL. But then again.. a guy cant act tough forever and upon reading valiant's blog with much interest i've decided to once again put my keyboard to some typing!

On a more serious note, it's really cool that i'm about to embark on my varsity studies now, and tho i'm still abit sian that smu dosent have hostels and thus hall life, im determined to do as well and have as much fun as i possibly can within my years in the city campus. So far things seem to be on the up. Sports camp provided me a opportunity to make a couple of friends whom i hope to stay in close contact and work with in school later on. The things i hear from the seniors are inspiring and though i feel slightly daunted by the competition i will have to face in order to do well, i find that im mostly challenged rather then afraid. The sheer scope of CCAs that i can join are staggering and i find i am spoilt for choice on which to participate in. Hopefully i'd make the soccer team and alot of pondering can be resolved then and then. I'd also like to take up a non-physical cca that would be both meaningful and enjoyable. Its damned frustrating that it seems that the CCAs id have to pick up to spiff up my resumes also happen to be those that i don't really feel inclined towards la. Floorball and rugby also seem rather enticing and i'd suspect i would enjoy ultimate frisbee as well. lol
Studies wise, i think i'd show alil faith in myself(yes yes.. call me overconfident if u think that's more accurate) and aim high. With god's grace i hope to maintain a 3.7-3.8 gpa thruout my 4 years in uni. I realise that it definately would be hard to do and given my predisposition towards working hard, its gonna be an uphill task. I realise that i've been opening condescending about mugging your life away, but i figure that slacking and doing above averagely is cool only if you're in secondary 3. When i think about what i'd be remembered as if i died now (aka the 'smart la... but damn bloody lazy' guy) i realise that its a tag that i really don't want. I wanna be remembered as the fella who was kinda laidback but did his best whatever his endeavours were. I figure that god didnt put me here so i could bum and waste my life away, but rather expect me to put whatever ability i have to good use. well..... as i said, it will definately be hard to accomplish what i set out for myself but i figure that i'd trust god to sustain me and give me strength when my own flags and favers.
Okkkkk, Before i start sounding holier then thou. let me move on to other things... like arsenal's loss to barce in the champion league finals last season. altho i definately didnt like the way we won the freekick which led to the opening goal(stop diving dickheads) i must say that i've never been so proud to say that i support arsenal.its doubtless that barce had a greater wealth of talent avaliable to them... but the way arsenal fought and played for each other was something that i really appreciated and admired. truely i felt the players gave their best and u really cant ask for more then that eh? cmon boys! outdo yourselves this season man.

well, im getting tired of typing already la... so i guess id stop right here. hoepfully i'd be back with updates of goodnews in the near future man.

ps: watch nacho libre ;)

Courage

2005-03-21T10:37:00.000+08:00

I was talking to someone close on the phone to rather late recently, and i was kinda asking her what she felt being brave truly meant.
I don't know about you guys, but i used to feel that being brave was to do things that other people wouldnt dare, to step forward when others would shy away. Well, it's not like i suddenly feel that these characteristics fail to define bravery any more... but now i really realise that these are merely superficial signs of courage. They hint and suggest boldness the same way age translates to experience and school grades tell of intelligence. To be to the point, they don't really matter and arent very accurate.
Someone asked me if i would consider someone who tempts fate every so often By pulling off life defying stunts brave.Well, 2 years ago, i would have doubtlessly replied yes. But now, i'm not so certain at all. It all depends on the individual really, because if the person in question has already given up on life. Then he isn't brave, he simply dosent care.
In the same light, i've always been considered brave and daring by many of my peers, never afraid to speak my mind, to do things differently. And i wonder now if it's that can be considered courage in any form at all, because i suspect that i'm simply showing a total disregard to what others think and feel. I'm a wimp when i deal with what really matters to me i guess.
i found this piece a long time ago and i read it quite often to remind myself to be strong.

Taking Risks
To laugh is to risk appearing the fool. To weep is to risk being called sentimental
To reach out to another is to risk involvement
To expose feelings is to risk showing your true self
To place your ideas and your dreams before the crowd is to risk being called naïve
To love is to risk not being loved in return. To live is to risk dying
To hope is to risk despair and To try is to risk failure
But risks must be taken,The greatest risk in life is to risk nothing.
The person who risks nothing... does nothing, has nothing, and becomes nothing
He may avoid suffering and sorrow But he simply cannot learn and feel and change and grow and love and lives Chained by his servitude, he is a slave He has forfeited his freedom
Only the person who risks is truly free.

Bravery to me is the ability to carry on and preservere even when someone is really scared deep down, knowing that there is all to lose and little to gain.
Someone who keeps going without denying his inner fears and insecurities is truly couragous.

You're gonna Win F All

2005-03-10T08:35:00.001+08:00

Well, it's that time of the year again. The annual event where i sniff into my lil hanky and wave goodbye to my beloved team, Arsenal from e champions league. Till this date, i've simply taken it in my stride and told myself that next season would be better. But this year is different.... It's a special occasion indeed as i mark my 10th aniversary watching my favorite team crash out of europe's premier football competition. So as an Ode and to mark a cornerstone in my Arsenal supporting career, i've decided to write alil smt in tribute to e team.

Reasons why Arsenal Won't win the Champions league
1. Simplicity is the hallmark of greatness...
To be more specific. Arsenal can't play simple football. The times we score, 90% of the time, the Goals are usually classy, elegant works of Art. Well, here's News, We only score those goals against small, usually incompetent teams like 3/4 of the premier league. When we face opposition of the same standard or slightly better, we simply can't score, and when we do, its too few and too late.I'm totally sick of watching e team stroke the ball around outside the oppositions penalty box for 70 mins, just trying to find room for a beautiful pass or shot. I think it's absurb, we have to face reality that sometimes against good enough opposition, we simply won't be given that opportunity, and even though such a chance may appear once or twice a match, they don't always result in goals for our team.
Things get Worse when the other team simply hoofs the ball into our penalty box and someone gets his head to the ball and scores against us. It makes me feel stupid, and i think e arsenal players should feel stupid too. We need to learn how to scrap it out, put in crosses and get our heads to the ball when the ball is put into both penalty areas.

2.Turn Right to Hell.

Simply put, Our right flank just Dosent cut it. No disrespect to Ljungberg for whom whose tenacity and spirit will always be insipring. But he dosent have the technical ability to cut in and create chances the way pires, henry and reyes do on the left. This simply means that while defending, the opposition team can afford to shift their midfield to the left, giving them a advantage in no.s while not having to worry too much about being exposed on the right.
Lauren is a clown. He slips on the field as much as mengkiat falls down while playing soccer. His cross success rate is about the same as Remus's pass rate as well. But i have to say, he scored one of the classiest goal ive ever seen a right back convert in my life. Just too bad it was an own goal. He also has the pace of weihao to top up his sterling attributes.
On the bright side, this is an easily enough rectified problem. With an inspired buy or two, this problem can be eliminated without too much hassle.

3.Trap the ball for goodness sake.

Don't get me wrong. Henry is a genius. He's the best player i've ever seen, and he's as close as an idol to me as i ever had. But i don't get it, why the hell does he always flick e ball left and right with his first touch instead of trapping and turning? It's not like he can't. 2 problems with flicking the ball instead of trapping it or passing it backwards. Firstly, the success rate is horrible. i think i ve onli seen it work out once or twice in like 150000 tries. Secondly and more importantly, when he does that, he adds pressure to the midfield to surge forward so that the ball can fall into their path. This means that if the flick dosent work out, the opposition has like a tonne of space to attack on the counter.

bah... i think i can think out of a gazillion more weaknesses in now arsenal plays. But at this juncture, i'm gonna stop. Cuz u know what? Arsenal is the team of my life and sometimes, winning isn't everything.
Here's to more success next season.

Team America: World police/ Hitch

2005-03-10T00:40:00.000+08:00

I dun believe how eager i was to catch this spastic show, when i walked out of the theatre, i felt like some bloody idiot marching to e titanic's theme song with an underwear over my head.
But now, after thinking about the movie, i think the gaggs were pretty good after all leh. They juz didnt seem very funny at the point while i was watchin it. I mean e show was so damn bloody offensive it was funny. For those who didnt catch the show i shall attempt to describe 3 of e gags i found funny.

1. "I don't look middle eastern"
Hotshot actor gary(protagonist) complains he dosent look middle eastern enough to inflitrate osama's base. So cue hi tech elaborate makeover by 'skin grafting specialist' bimbo team member. i wish i could post pictures, but lets juz say he didnt realli look middleeastern at the end of it. think micheal jackson's evolution, but backwards. hahaha.

2."Jihat"
Gary to osama on why he 'hates' e americans so much*in american accent*.
"There was fire teaall around...(cues ry voice and tears) i could hear my goats dying... i could hear my goats calling to me. It was then when i put a Jihat on them, and if you don't belive me, you better kill me now, cuz i'll put a jihat on you too"

3."I'll be your hero"
*cue emotional pearl harbour type of music*

blonde love interest of Gary: " Promise me you'll never die"

gary:" You know i can't do that sweetie"

Blonde love interest of Gary: " Promise me and i'll make love to you right now"

Gary: " I promise... I'll never die"

hahaha ok. i bet anyone who read this would prob think im some kinda idiot. but these scenes kinda stuck on my head. lol. On e bright side, Hitch was kinda cool. I think The way e fat guy dances reminds me of the way i dance. lol.
anyway, yea hitch was good. i juz wish i was watching with someone other then a gold chain wearing, slightly pot bellied buddy of mine. =P

better go get some sleep =)

A new year

2005-03-10T00:12:00.000+08:00

Woah, i juz remembered that i created this blog a year ago, and to my surprise, blogger hasn't deleted it cuz of inactivity since then. Anyway, it's midnight and i can't sleep. not that i sleep early usually of cuz, but rather i have a soccer match i wanna catch at 3.30 and i would seriously prefer it if i managed to catch some rest so i dun suffer through tml. but as usual, cant seem to fall asleep before 2, so i dun see no option there i guess.

Sigh, it's been so long since i've posted anything here, and i have like tonnes of things to write about. Last weekend passed pretty fast i guess. Zhaoxian held a chalet to celebrate his 21st bday at costa sands. It was so retarded i felt sorry for my friend. I mean, 1stly it didnt really seem like a bday party to me, it was more of a big disjointed gathering of various friends. Daniel made me laugh while i was in the cab on the way to the chalet, he phoned me and i believe his exact words were 'BRENDON! It's a dick fest here' hahaa. Not like it makes a diff to Dan anyway, considering he's a wuss in front of gals while acting tough in front of us. cute. hahaha. The chalet ended in a realli anti climatic sort of way, some of e peeps went choco latte to club, while 12 others headed to e 3 mahjong tables set up there. It was kinda dumb, and since i was realli sleepy i went to bed ard 1. Never in my life have i slept so much in a chalet b4. Anyway, i kinda made a mental note never to hold smt like tt for my bday ever. I kinda want to spend my 21st bday backpacking in Aust or NZ. It's not like i buy into this 21st bday biggie business, but i feel that i wanna start my adult life on e right footing, exploring new frontiers and discovering more of myself.

Met up with some ppl i havent seen for a long time. i think i really really miss some of em. Its damn sad that things can never be e same again no matter how hard i wish it to be.

I realise that none of my secondary sch mates changed much these 3 years or so, in a way i find that quite comforting in that they can be a constant in an ever changing world. i fidn that i myself have gone some way from wad i used to be. and i have no freaking idea if i like that at all. i just don't seem to feel as happy as i used to be.
fuck, it has to be NS. NS moulds us into loud crude, personality-less puppets. i worry for my future more then ever now as well as for e ppl i care about. Thats gay, cuz i really subcribe to the 'let tml worry for itself' school. but somehow, i think im deviating from that subconciously. hahhaa.

well enough of melchony tonight =)
cmon arsenal, gimme a reason to smile tml.

Drifting

2004-07-03T12:28:00.000+08:00

as usual, done nothing worthwhile or impt the past few days... juz updating e blog for e sake of it now. hahhaa. maybe i should start writing eassys here on subjects that i find interesting.
anyway, thursday was quite fun. i went off early from work in order to go register my driving theory at yio chu kang. ended up booking e test dates for meng kiat and myself at the queenstown driving center on e 12th of july. went home to catch a 2 hour nap b4 heading to tan tock seng to see e doctor. ended up making e bunch of guys i was supposed to meet wait for me... not a new experience anyway. heh.
only found out it was verrill's bday when caroline told me. hahaha, i never even knew his bday was so close to mine. really havent seen tt bugger for some time man.. his face is still e boyish, kiddish one tt i'm familiar with. but man... has he shot up or what? i think he's as tall or slightly taller then me now. haha. character wise, he still seems the same tho. also saw caroline for e first time since zhonghua, dun think she changed much. she seems exactly e way i remembered her. she's gonna be a teacher tho.. poor students. haha. anyway, headed to double O then. it was not bad... considering past experience of going to MS on thursday.
friday was a total waste of time... i woke up at 4pm. felt damn shag and lethargic cuz i slept too damn much. played soccer and played like shit. i remember y i didnt really like tracom when i was playing with hupseng's squadmates... damn childish. ended up going to thomson prata house for dinner/supper. e beehoon goreng was quite good, but e it was damn damn stingy in terms pf ingredients. i think i didnt even get one ish cake. bloody hell.

Wednesday

2004-06-30T20:59:00.000+08:00

yes, another exciting and fufilling day under my cap, made all e more special cuz i managed to catch an hour's nap in e afternoon. argh!! this is getting so old la! spent e day surfing e net, arguing with some loser in utopia. haha anyway i found this from e utopian forums.. thought it was quite interesting =)

its entitled: flirting and silly men. hahaha.

Men often believe you're flirting with them even when you're not. Here, Mark Mason explains the ten ways you can unknowingly send out the wrong signal

1. Putting one more kiss at the end of an email than he did. Women are naturally friendly - if flirting is a mountain, they're always walking in the lower foothills. But men want to get to the peak as soon as possible. Your extra 'x' was done without thinking. He assumes you're starting an auction of kisses that will end up with the two of you in bed.

2. Saying you like his shirt. The average man doesn't notice clothes - if you notice his, he'll think it's because you want to see them on your bedroom floor.

3. Asking questions about his girlfriend. You're just being nosy about his love life. He thinks you want a walk-on part in it.

4. Talking about your own relationship problems. You find it easy to discuss these things. Men don't, so he'll imagine that you're auditioning replacements for your boyfriend.

5. Approaching him at a party. Men see starting a conversation as the first stage of seduction. They can't understand why you'd do it just to be friendly.

6. Touching his arm as you talk. Women are more tactile than men - they forget that testosterone can be brought to the boil by the merest brush of a female hand.

7. Teasing him. You're doing it simply because you can, and it amuses you. He sees it as an early phase of the mating ritual.

8. Ignoring a call on your mobile when you're with him. You hit 'divert' because it's your boss and you don't want to talk to her - but the man's ego tells him you're captivated by his witty conversation.

9. Re-applying your make-up. A fresh coat of lip-gloss makes you feel good about yourself. He thinks it's being done to attract him.

10. Dancing with him. It's an Abba record - you'd dance with the nearest hat-stand - but your partner in boogie assumes that you want his body.

Of course, all these are things you might do if you are really flirting. But even if you're not, don't worry too much - wouldn't life be boring if you couldn't laugh at men?
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haha appreciate this tongue in cheek insight on how men are realli suckers sometimes. esp since i have been guilty of one or two of them b4. grin.
aiyah, i hope tonights match is interesting, it should be la. considering both sides have defenders who seem more like skaters in disney on ice

Dynamism on monday

2004-06-28T15:02:00.000+08:00

Reached office at 8 am today, had to come early to clear some meeting which had been schelduled for 8.30 today.my partner, ervin arrived around 10 minutes earlier with exactly e same expression on his face you may have found on a dying donkey. to be fair to him, i wasn't exactly mr energy myself. e reason for our lethargy was e wonderfully exicting match between czech and denmark. czech won 3-0. i said all along that they had a good chance of winning e tounament(refer to previous entry... hahaha i told u ppl so!)and this result only seems to back up my claim.
Wanted to play soccer today... but ended up snoring on my desk. woke up around 2.45 in time for my tea break. e sleep realli did me some good. feel much much better now. haha. have to bring bryan down to lampe berger later so i guess it would be better if i was awake enough to speak without slurring. i love mondays so much, im now really tempted to take leave for next monday.

June

2004-06-25T10:36:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I just feel that I've been left behind by the passing of e days and weeks. I really can't believe that it has already been more then six months since I was enlisted into ns...To quote jewel, I guess I've been standing still while time passes me by. Its not so much the fact that I've not achieved anything at all in e last 6 months but rather e fact that I have nothing to look forward to for e future. Life has been like a song tt's played so many times that u no longer hear e words while u dance to it's tune.heh.
hahaha. anyway, this month is already at its end. june has always been one of my 2 favorite months along with december la, but for totally different reasons. somehow when i was alil younger, i always assumed i enjoyed june becuz it would be e school holidays in which i could go all out to enjoy myself. yet recently, i realised that its more then that. there's always going to be something about june that makes me happier then usual. i guess it's soemthing to do with e sunshine and e clear skies. i believe that no matter how down you feel and how heavy e weight on your shoulders, you are always gonna find it harder to feel melochonic and sad. hahha. i mean how could anyone feel terrible when u walk under e bright skies, looking up to see e vast blue sky with it's white clouds mocking all your fears and worries. yeap, ill juz sign off with e lyrics of e song standing still by jewel.

Cuttin’ through the darkest night
In my two headlights
I’m trying to keep it clear
But I’m losing it here
To the twilight
There’s a dead end to my left
There’s a burning bush to my right
You aren’t in sight
You aren’t in sight

Do you want me
Like I want you?

Chorus
Or am I standing still?
Beneath the darkened sky
Or am I standing still?
With the scenery flying by
Or am I standing still?
Out of the corner of my eye
Was that you that passed me by?

Mothers on a stoop
Boys in souped-up coupes
On this hot summer night
Between fight and flight
Is the blind man’s sight
And the choice that’s right
I roll the window down
Feels like I’m gonna drown
In this strange town
I feel broken down
I feel broken down

Do you need me
Like I need you?

Chorus

Sweet sorrow is the call tomorrow
Sweet sorrow is the call tomorrow

Do you love me
Like I love you?

Chorus

Oh, you’re passing me by
Passing me by

Do you need me like I need you to?
Do you want me like I want you?
Or are you passing me by?
Or am I standing still?

walking's for camels

2004-06-24T10:11:00.000+08:00

well yesterday was a really long day. as usual... pulled myself outta bed in e morning feeling like a brain dead zombie. got fed up with wearing formal attire already after 2 straight days of wearing leather shoes, i dun see wads e big deal about me ahving to dress 'appropriately' at all. firstly, i'm just a damn coffee boy... wtf would anyone in e office want me to come dressed to e nines when all i have to do is brew e chinese tea and e coffee? even e odd job guys in 6 star hotels wear attires suited to their jobs. managers wear their blazers while chefs wear their aprons. secondly and more importantly... there aren't any cute gals around at all. y would anyone wanna dress up for a bunch of guys? argh. needless to say, i found my reasoning to be perfectly sound and promptly pulled on a pair of jeans instead.
yesterday had to be one of e slackest day ever.. i think e amount of actual work i did totalled up to about 15 minutes worth, while e rest of e day was spent surfing e net and listening to mp3s. anyway, i went down to china town for dinner after work with some of e nsfs in mha.. its amazing how much e place has changed since e last time i was there which was about 8 years ago i think. its not so much about e architechture which has largely remained e same... but rather its e fact that you have such a large no. of tourists and singaporeans walking e streets that you get e feeling that you are at boat quey instead. settled for claypot rice for dinner.. it was supposed to be very good la.. but somehow i juz cant tell e difference btw good claypot rice from bad claypot rice. they taste e same to me. i mean... how different can they taste anyway? its still using a stupid cyramic bowl to cool e rice in.
walked around china town with e guys after tt. gave in to temptation once again as i bought a bloody pack of chestnuts when i juz ate dinner 10 minutes ago. i wasn't even hungry at that time lor. anyway my retarded collegues walked all e way to boat quey... den to city hall mrt and then to e esplanade. i really cannot understand how anyone can walk sooo damn far la. those guys must have been camels in their previous lifes. i was so ready to collapse after that topo. anyway.. i treked all e way back to e starbucks at raffles city to meet jiaxuan. started whinning about my day but ended up starting a spastic and rather irritating arguement about nti and lampe berger which left us feeling abit agitated. heh. yeap anyway by e time i got home it was already around 12.15. ii ended up chatting on e net for around an hour or so b4 falling in a heap on my bed. i was so damn tired tt i couldn't even wake up to watch e match la. i realli think czech has a good chance of winning e competition.

so much for my new job

2004-06-23T10:58:00.000+08:00

well so i got posted to the minstry of home affairs, which happenned to be my favoured posting for which ill serve out e last 2 damn years of my bloody ns life. e reason i said tt being posted here was my favoured choice wasn't so much due to e fact that i have a passion to work for singapore's internal well being but rather a choice of choosing e less of 2 evils. i mean, it was between sitting in a nice comfy air con room and walking about in e streets in e hot sun investigating cases of car alarms that had gone off and climbing up trees to rescue cats.
haha. well anyway e office itself has been everything i had expected or even hoped for. i have my own cubicle in which i have a state of e art computer with t3 access to e net, and e building itself has facilties which would prob make club med seem like down town east. however despite e ammenities, theresss a slightttt problem. namely that im juz a glorifed coffee boy here. shit! and you think tt some one of my abilty would be assigned something more important or useful den making tea and coffee for a bunch of self important foggies. besides im not in any sense suited for e bloody job, granted tt im about as graceful as a drunken elephant. my last experience with cups and drinks resulted in me pouring 3 glasses of tiger beer down some idiot's shirt at a wedding function.haha. argh! at least i ahve a 2/1/2 hour lunch break these days... tt counts for something =P